Sisterhood

In the past few weeks I have been thinking about the importance of relationships and more importantly familial relationships. I am among the oldest in my family and I think that with this birth order comes a great responsibility. I have a bit more life experience than my little sisters and I feel like it is my personal responsibility to be someone that they can lean on and confide in and someone who can be honest with them about what the real world is like. In lieu of some of what's been going on in my family I have really been analyzing my role and how I fulfill that role or don't fulfill it. 

My family is very unique in that it is rather vast. All of my siblings with the exception of one live in NYC and I live two hours away in Pennsylvania. As I said I am one of the oldest. I have a daughter a job and I live on my own. I am free to decide what I do with my time and I realized that in the last few years I haven't prioritized my family as much as I should have. I am ashamed of myself for not having realized it and for having had a defeatist attitude for the past several years. At the same time I am happy that I was able to realize it even if it was as a result of the current difficulty occurring in my family. 

Growing up I was blessed to have an Irish twin. I had my brother who got it. He understood the difficulties that I had with both of my parents and he got it. I was so grateful for that because we were partners in that. As I make my trips to NYC to spend time with my family and to handle family business and I am able to bond with my now teenage sisters I realize how much I have missed out on. I also realize how much I can build with them. The sheer fact that they are able to confide in me some of there frustrations and secrets is enough for me. I now know that I need to make a greater effort to be that older sister. I know that my daughter too will benefit from the added connection to her aunts and uncles and that they can be in some capacity to her what I hope to be to them. 

Sometimes I get frustrated with the family that I was born into and with the role that I play in it. And sometimes I am so uplifted by the sheer thought of knowing that I can be honored enough to have a pivotal position in said family. I look forward to these changes that are happening in my family. I look forward to fortifying a lifelong bond.